Laugh together during your date to bring out the sparkle in your eyes.

How to Create a Spark When Meeting for the First Time

by Kathryn Rateliff Barr

You want to create more than a good first impression on your first date -- you want to spark attraction that leads to a second date and more, or to determine that there is no potential with that person. Understanding goals and ideal conditions for your first date can help you create a spark that can lead to additional dates and a potential relationship. Having fun helps, too.

1. Pay Attention

Active listening can make you attractive to your date, according to psychiatrist and dating expert Fredric Neuman, M.D. in the Psychology Today article entitled, “Making a Good Impression on a First Date.” When you meet your date for the first time, pay attention to what he says and does. Lean forward when he talks. Ask him questions about who he is and what he does for fun or for a living and make comments about his answers. Look him in the eye and hold his attention. Avoid distractions that communicate that you are bored, uninterested or that you can’t wait for the date to be over, such as texting, talking on your phone or watching everyone.

2. Know Yourself

If you accept dates only from men who are looking for similar goals in the relationship, it is easier to create a spark on the first date because you have weeded out those that you know aren’t a match, according to the eHarmony article entitled, “Making Sparks Fly: The Chemistry of Romance.” If you’ve chatted through instant messaging, email or text, you have a head start in determining compatibility. If you met this person through a dating site, read that profile carefully and see what you have in common and how the person describes himself. If it matches what you are looking for, point out those things during your first date, enlarging on areas where you connect.

3. Unrushed Curiosity

Take your time on that first date to make a good connection. Go when you can know you won’t be hurried to get home and release the babysitter or make it back to lunch on time, suggests eHarmony. That first date is time to learn about this person, so be curious and reciprocate with information about yourself. Curiosity is a great predictor of a successful boyfriend or mate, according to Paul Dobransky, M.D. in the Psychology Today article, “The One Dating Trait of a Successful Future Mate.” Ask questions about what he believes, how he thinks about the world, God, or whatever is most important to you. Offer your own answers and hold back a bit so he becomes curious to ask questions of his own.

4. Meeting Dating Goals

Additional goals of a first date are having fun, determining their potential as a romantic partner and investigating a potential sexual and friendship connection, according to Sean M. Horan, Ph.D. in the Psychology Today article entitled, “First Date Goals.” Help your dating partner meet those goals by choosing a place that is both fun and suitable for talking. Touch your date and see if there is a spark or connection and look for the romance elements, such as holding the door for you, offering you a flower or flirting with you.

About the Author

Rev. Kathryn Rateliff Barr has taught birth, parenting, vaccinations and alternative medicine classes since 1994. She is a pastoral family counselor and has parented birth, step, adopted and foster children. She holds bachelor's degrees in English and history from Centenary College of Louisiana. Studies include midwifery, naturopathy and other alternative therapies.

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