Alpha women tend to be competitive, motivated and driven to succeed.

How to Date an Alpha Female

by Amy Guertin

Alpha females can be very competitive. They are used to having to fight for everything that they have, so they’ve learned to be competitive and not to pull their punches. Dating an alpha female can be difficult, especially if this is a new experience and you’re not sure what to expect.

1. Get Physical

Alpha females are competitive. According to psychiatrist Gabriela Cora, alphas tend to participate in hard-core physical activities like triathlons or mountain climbing. Prepare yourself for either joining her or watching from the sidelines – she’ll be much more impressed if you join. If you can talk her into it, get her to try a more relaxing form of exercise like yoga or tai chi; the relaxation would be very good for this always on-the-go woman.

2. Take Second

Alpha females are very motivated and driven individuals who are frequently focused on their careers, writes psychologist Pat Webster, author of “Winning at Love: the Alpha Male’s Guide to Relationship Success.” Although some alphas have figured out how to multitask and find meaning in both career and family, many alpha females have been career-focused at the expense of relationships. You need to understand your potential partner’s dedication to her career in the early stages of your relationship. Only you can decide if potentially coming second to her job is something that you can handle.

3. Have Patience

Many alpha females have been degraded due to their natural traits of assertiveness and intelligence and, as a result, can be very defensive, asserts Webster. This defensiveness can lead an alpha to become domineering, manipulative and even mean. You’re going to need a lot of patience to date an alpha female, and you’re going to have to learn not to take things personally. It doesn’t mean that you always have to give in or that you have to always let her be right. It just means that she is going to most likely be emotionally reactive; it would be a good idea if you weren’t.

4. Offer Help

Alpha females are used to being in control and solving others’ problems -- they do not necessarily do so well at recognizing and solving their own. Alpha women may find themselves very isolated from both men and other women, suggests psychologist Ho Law. They’ve learned to do things on their own. Asking for help may be difficult. This is where it’s important to really know her and know when to step in and offer it, as she is unlikely to ask. Her first reaction may be to respond that no, she doesn’t need help. Sometimes, you need to give it to her anyway.

About the Author

Amy Guertin has a master's degree in counseling psychology and will earn her Ph.D. in 2014. Guertin is a licensed counselor and has 15 years of experience practicing psychotherapy, primarily working with children, adolescents and their families. She is also a college psychology professor and is the happiest when she is in the classroom.

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