Even if a long time has passed since the breakup, it can be still be painful to find out that an ex cheated on you. If you've been holding on to hopes of getting back together, you might wonder if you could trust him. You might just want to know why he did it. The most important thing to do right now is to focus on yourself and your own needs rather than your ex-boyfriend.
1. Reasons and Excuses
If you can't get over the fact that an ex cheated on you before the two of you broke up, you might be asking yourself why this happened and if the man you once thought so much of was actually just a terrible person all along. People cheat for many reasons. Some men cheat because they are ready to end the relationship but can't bring themselves to just come out and say so, reports Match.com. Some cheat because they are immature and easily tempted if opportunity presents itself, especially if they've had too much to drink. Some cheat because they feel lonely, especially in long-distance relationships or relationships in which both partners are often busy.
2. It's Not Necessarily About You
The reason for your ex's infidelity only really matters if you're thinking of getting back together with him; it makes a big difference to know whether he cheated once because he was upset and confused or whether he cheated whenever he thought he could get away with it. If your only concern is how to get over the emotional turmoil of knowing that he cheated on you, remind yourself that his actions may not have had anything to do with you or with the relationship. People often fail to do the right thing even when it causes harm to the people they love, so your ex's bad decisions don't invalidate the whole relationship.
3. Blame Won't Help
Your ex is responsible for his own actions, so if he cheated then he's the only one to blame. Despite this fact, blaming your ex won't help you move on. Holding on to anger and resentment is a defensive gesture that can keep you stuck in the past and make it harder to build a new life for yourself after the end of a relationship, asserts relationship coach Christine Hassler in "The Huffington Post." If you think of yourself as the victim of mistreatment, it's hard to move on. If you can think of the experience as a learning opportunity, you should find it easier to focus on your future.
4. Look Inside
Rather than blaming your ex for cheating on you or resolving never to trust anyone ever again, Hassler advises looking inside and asking yourself what you can learn from the fact that your ex cheated. You may conclude that you have a history of picking men who can't be faithful or of not breaking up when you know you should. Whatever you conclude, putting the focus on your own well-being will help get your mind off your ex and back on your own life and your own future.
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