The routine of day-to-day activities, running kids here and there, managing the home and paying bills often leaves little time for romance and intimate relationships. This hazard of married life can leave you feeling as if you have lost the close bond you once held with your husband. When your bond is weak, but you want the relationship to last, your focus and time will need to be spent on reigniting the passion to grow emotionally closer with your spouse.
1. Improve Your Sense of Connection
If you're feeling a lack of emotional closeness with your husband, it often means that there is a disconnection in your marriage. Psychologist Kalman Heller, in an article published on "PsychCentral," recommends making your relationship a priority by scheduling time to talk daily for 15 or 20 minutes, weekly for at least an hour and planning overnight or weekend trips throughout the year. Make the effort to communicate with your husband beyond relaying daily, mundane information and talk about your feelings and the ups and downs of your day. Remember why you married your husband in the first place and focus on those feelings of love as you take the time to connect with your spouse on a deeper level.
2. Physical Affection and Bedtime Routines
Another issue at the root of emotional disconnectedness in marriage is the lack of physical touch. Heller advises couples to intentionally hug and show physical affection, even if it feels strange at first. Many couples have separate bedtime routines, which decreases the opportunity for sexual intimacy at the end of the day. Heller suggests that couples rearrange their bedtimes or plan for a few moments of snuggling and affection together before one spouse goes to bed. By initiating these changes, you can increase the level of intimacy with your husband, which can help rekindle your love for and connection with your spouse.
3. Shower Him with Attention
Dr. Willard Harley, founder of Marriage Builders and author of "His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-proof Marriage," reminds couples that when you are in love, you concentrate on meeting each other's needs. According to Dr. Harley, you can begin to recover the loss of emotions by increasing the amount of undivided attention you give your husband. When you take the time to thoughtfully show him outward signs of love, it can help you to rekindle those feelings within yourself as well. Giving your husband the emotional and physical attention he needs helps you avoid neglect in your marriage relationship. Even if your husband does not initially return the attention, it is likely he will notice and appreciate your thoughtfulness, and it may encourage him to make an extra effort in showing affection toward you, as well.
4. Put Yourself Aside
When your marriage has lost its newness, it is easy to become self-focused. Dr. Richard Fitzgibbons, director of the Institute for Marital Healing near Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, calls selfishness a major enemy of marriages. When one or both spouses are selfish, they do not attend to each other's needs and they quickly notice when their needs are not met. Even if you feel that the emotional disconnect is due largely to your spouse's behavior, it can be helpful to examine your own behavior, recognize areas in which you may have been selfish and take strides to change that behavior. Removing these selfish tendencies can help restore the emotional connection with your husband and your positive example may be an impetus for your spouse to focus more on your relationship, too.
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