Love must evolve to survive long term.

Falling Back Into Love

by Barrett Barlowe

Love means different things to different people, but everyone knows when it exits the room. Falling back in love can be difficult, especially when you can hardly remember why you ever felt that way. Love can wane gradually--but a specific event might trigger an abrupt change. Although single men and women might fret about never finding a person with whom to share love, restoring love once lost can be a bigger challenge than finding it in the first place.

1. Chasing History

Love and passion makes a potent mix. Chemical and hormonal changes that occur when a person falls in love can change a person’s perception of themselves and of their environment. The novelty of a new lover heightens all the senses. A woman might make a conscious effort to dress well and be obliging. Eventually two people become accustomed to each other. Work, children and families divert attention, and sometimes the love relationship suffers. Spouses might feel unloved and, in turn, fall out of love.

2. Malaise Versus Mistrust

Factors involved in love lost vary--as do ways to help deal with the problem. Love that diminishes slowly might suffer from subtle but chronic neglect. Partners might fail to evolve their definition of love along with other aspects of their lives. Panic sets in when a woman realizes that the giddy feeling she had the first few months of the relationship is no longer there. Complacency can slowly suffocate passionate love, but betrayal deals it an acute blow. Infidelity severs trust and causes the injured partner to withdraw. Building back trust can take a long time. Some relationships cannot stand the strain an affair can cause on a relationship.

3. Memory and Love

Attempting to fall back into love requires reflection and introspection. A woman might start by taking an account of the years spent as a couple. Going over old photographs featuring partners together--with and without children--can be therapeutic. An inexpensive photo book created online can be an eye opener. Holding a physical document that details the journey a couple has traveled together helps remind both about change and growth. Shared trials and triumphs help build bonds that result in mature love. Recognizing those bonds as valid is crucial.

4. Impediments

A person cannot make his partner feel in love. Making her partner responsible for whether she feels in love can cause stress and misunderstanding. Putting the burden of feeling in love on another person can be an invitation to failure. Love cannot exist alongside feelings of resentment or feelings of anger. A partner that is resentful might have difficulty giving love freely and be unable to recognize love sincerely offered.

5. Love and Leisure

Taking personal responsibility for falling back in love might necessitate shutting out the world. Cutting back on social obligations, eliminating unnecessary expenses and prioritizing chores helps. Rather than waking up early Sunday morning with a mental list of slights to be wronged, or items to be fixed, you might forcibly clear out all the clutter and relax. Drinking a cup of coffee while watching a partner sleep peacefully might be a good first step to remembering what you loved about him in the first place.

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