Fight fair to prevent saying or doing something you will regret.

How to Feel Better After Fighting With Your Husband

by Kathryn Rateliff Barr

No matter how hard you try, a conflict-free home isn't reality. You and your husband won’t always see eye-to-eye, but an argument can clear the air and shine a light on areas you need to work on. A family fight can stir up your toddler and create fear, but your ability to fight and make up demonstrates that people can disagree and still love each other. Following a fight with constructive, loving actions strengthens your marriage.

1 Approach the fight aftermath as a way to strengthen your marriage. Promise yourself and your spouse that you love each other despite areas where you don’t agree. Touch each other in a loving and supportive manner. Release the anger by affirming the positive aspects of your relationship. If the fight took a wrong turn and you behaved badly, apologize. If he apologizes, accept it graciously.

2 Don’t let the issue become the elephant in the room. Look for a way to resolve the fight issues with a win-win solution. If the fight was about money, discuss budgeting or streamlining expenses. If you fought over how to discipline your toddler, agree on basic principles or take a parenting class together so you have more options. Delay the discussion if either of you is still angry. You don’t want the fight to flare up again.

3 Do something nice for each other after the fight. Find a way to act on your love. Prepare a favorite food or share an activity you both enjoy. Soft and tender actions remove residual anger and pave the way for deeper intimacy. Not sure what to do? Ask him what he would like after a long stressful day and use his suggestions to treat him with tender loving care. Your actions often cause him to respond in kind.

4 Promise to revisit the issue later if you can’t resolve it now. Devise a tentative solution to the problem and then revisit it later. Determine whether you have an effective solution or whether it needs further tweaking. Once you find a solution that works for both of you, commit to use it for as long as it remains effective.

5 Reassure your toddler that everything's OK between Mommy and Daddy. If the fight was heated or loud, affirm that you both love the child, even when you disagree. Have a group hug and some time to find an enjoyable activity that restores calm in your home.

About the Author

Rev. Kathryn Rateliff Barr has taught birth, parenting, vaccinations and alternative medicine classes since 1994. She is a pastoral family counselor and has parented birth, step, adopted and foster children. She holds bachelor's degrees in English and history from Centenary College of Louisiana. Studies include midwifery, naturopathy and other alternative therapies.

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