Your partner is still sexy, so let him know by flirting.

How to Flirt With a Partner

by Kathryn Rateliff Barr

When your relationship was new, flirting was fun. You and your partner were learning about other. Those winks, the excitement, the hope of something more -- made your day special. However, no matter where you are in your relationship, flirting is important, because you need flirting to maintain your relationship, according to Sean M. Horan, Ph.D. in a “Psychology Today” article, “Why Do We Flirt?” Whether you are getting ready for another exciting date, chatting or sending a playful text, flirting can help keep your relationship romantic.

1. Flirting Behaviors

In a physical sense, women flirt differently than men do, according to the “Psychology Today” article, “Flirting Fascination” by Joann Ellison Rodgers. You might cast quick, furtive glances at your partner until you catch his eye or bat your lashes when you catch him looking your way. Sit next to your partner and place your hand on his arm, leg, sit thigh to thigh or snuggle up to him. Twirl your hair, touch your face, smile back at him and lean forward when he talks. These behaviors indicate that you are focused on him and are receptive to his attention. Laugh at his jokes -- even when they aren’t funny -- and hang on to his every word. Look him in the eye when you talk, and widen your eyes, and toss your hair in response to his attention. Dress up for him and smile as you catch his eye, suggests Diane Gottsman for “Hitched Magazine” in “11 Ways to Flirt with Your Spouse.”

2. Verbal Flirting

Verbal flirting with your partner may become more intimate than when you flirt with a stranger or someone you just started dating. You two have a history, and you and he will have secret messages, inside jokes and shared experiences you can allude to. If you are at home, offer to meet him in the bedroom or to run a bath for two. Ask him if you should get a sitter or just wait until the kids are in bed asleep. He will be glad to help get the kids down.

3. Electronic Flirting

Emails and text messages allow you to flirt with your partner during the workday or almost anytime and anywhere, suggests Gottsman. Ask him if he knows a sexy woman who wants to see him later tonight or just let him know you appreciated the time together last night. Send him a silly joke or picture. Do keep it clean if you are sending it to his office email so he won’t get in trouble for the content. A text to his private phone is more appropriate for more explicit messages.

4. When and Where

You can flirt at home, when you are out together or when you are apart through phone, text, email or video conferencing. Consider flirting every day to keep the romantic fires lit and ready to blaze at any available opportunity. Don’t let your flirting skills die from lack of use, because that would be a tragedy!

About the Author

Rev. Kathryn Rateliff Barr has taught birth, parenting, vaccinations and alternative medicine classes since 1994. She is a pastoral family counselor and has parented birth, step, adopted and foster children. She holds bachelor's degrees in English and history from Centenary College of Louisiana. Studies include midwifery, naturopathy and other alternative therapies.

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