Getting over a guy you were in a relationship with is one of the hardest challenges you may ever face. Because he meant so much to you, you may wonder if you will ever be able to love someone else the way you loved him. The truth is that breakups always hurt the most right after they happen, and even if you are feeling devastated now, you will soon find that you can love again and be happy in a new relationship. It is so hard to get over your ex because you have lost the dreams you had with him, you must deal with rejection and you have to accept the loss and get back into the routine of life.
1. Losing Dreams
When your relationship ends, you lose the dreams you had with the guy you were in love with, and you must change your idea of the future so that it does not include him. HelpGuide.org reports that a breakup hurts, even if the relationship was no longer good, because it represents the loss of shared dreams and hopes for the future. Perhaps you pictured yourself engaged or married to the guy you were dating, or as the parent to his children. Whatever your dreams were, having to erase them from your mind and focus on a different future makes it difficult to get over the guy.
2. Dealing with Rejection
It is hard for humans to deal with social rejection. Psychologist and writer Adoree Durayappah reports on the Huffington Post that humans are hard-wired to fear rejection because they have strong motivation to seek approval and social acceptance. Because of evolutionary reasons, humans desire to form relationships that lead to a sense of belonging and security. When the guy you had strong feelings for ended your relationship, you felt the deep pain of rejection and were taken out of a union with someone you would rather have stayed connected with.
3. Accepting Loss
It is so hard to get over a guy because accepting loss is one of the hardest things you can do. Psychologist Daniel Kahneman developed the Prospect Theory, which describes how people make choices in situations where they must decide between alternatives that involve risk. For example, if you were to lose $50, the pain of that loss would be much greater than the joy of receiving $50. Ending a relationship hurts much more than the joy of starting a new one because your brain views loss as more significant than gain.
4. Geting Back into a Routine
Having to get back into your day-to-day routine makes getting over a guy even more difficult. HelpGuide.org reports that a breakup disrupts your routine, responsibilities, home life and relationships with family and friends. You do not have the ability to compartmentalize the pain you are experiencing, and because of that, the pain has the potential to affect every area of your life. Having to live life as if you are not going through heartbreak is a huge challenge and makes recovery difficult.