Start slow when attempting to reconcile with your husband.

How to Get Your Husband to Recommit to the Marriage After He's Left

by Shannon Philpott

Maintaining a strong, lasting marriage is not an easy task. At times, the toll of family obligations and relationship disagreements can be too much. If your husband has left and you want to reconcile, it will take some hard work that includes sharing your needs and wants, accepting each other and improving communication. Getting your husband to recommit to the marriage may take some time, but if your love for each other is strong, it is worth it in the end.

1. Start Slow

Even though you may want to see your husband come running back with open arms, the reality is that reconciling a marriage can be a lengthy process. It takes time to work through issues that led to a separation or distance between the two of you. Jack Ito, clinical psychologist and author of “Connecting Through Yes,” recommends working through small issues and disagreements before tackling the larger issues that caused a divide in your marriage. Focus on your husband’s needs that have not been met and avoid badgering him with desperate pleas. In order for him to recommit, he needs to see that it is possible to find solutions to the small problems.

2. Improve Your Own Well-Being

Although you may be pining for the love of your life to come running back to you, it’s important to focus on yourself while working on your relationship with your husband. A separation can be stressful on your mind and your body. Make time for some self-pampering and force yourself to exercise, eat healthy and pursue your interests and hobbies. These efforts can help improve your mental and physical health, says Maud Purcell, LCSW, in the article "Reviving Your Marriage" published by PsychCentral. As you boost your self-esteem, it is likely that your husband will see the positive changes in you.

3. Set Realistic Expectations

Marriage can be full of compromises and evenings filled with laundry, child rearing and household duties instead of candlelight dinners. Establish realistic expectations for a reunion with your husband. Accept that you have different interests, habits and responsibilities. Your husband's agreement to recommit to the relationship doesn’t mean that his behavior will change. In order for the marriage to work, both of you must accept each other as individuals, says Purcell.

4. Seek Professional Help

If your marriage resembled a war zone due to conflicts and disagreements, it may be necessary to enlist the help of a professional counselor to work through relationship issues. Even if both parties are committed to making the marriage work, lingering feelings of resentment, bitterness and anger can hinder the success of your reunion. Marriage counselors are trained to help couples work through their differences and create action plans to change behavior that is unhealthy, according to Mark Dombeck, clinical psychologist and former director of MentalHelp.net.

About the Author

Shannon Philpott has been a writer since 1999. She has experience as a newspaper reporter, magazine writer and online copywriter. Philpott has published articles in St. Louis metro newspapers, "Woman's World" magazine, "CollegeBound Teen" magazine and on e-commerce websites, and also teaches college journalism and English. She holds a Master of Arts in English from Southern Illinois University.

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