Finding out your lover is married can be heartbreaking, but you will learn to perservere.

How to Move on After Finding Out Your Lover Is a Married Man

by Ashlea Campbell

Moving on after finding your lover is married can be difficult, but you should applaud yourself for ending the relationship once learning of his marital status. You may still long to be with him and find it hard to simply erase him from your life and mind. Understanding that is easy, but getting your heart to realize it is best is where the problem lies.

1. Make Yourself Aware of the Facts

You may not have known that you were in a relationship with a married man, but the effects of what he has done not only reach you, but also his family. If he has kids, they are affected by his actions. Clearly, his wife is affected, as she has loved and cared for this man for years, only to be betrayed. If you were to stay in a relationship with this man, and he did eventually leave his wife for you, the likelihood that your relationship would survive is less than 5 percent, reports Dr. Phil. Even though it doesn't seem like it now, you're saving yourself further heartache and not contributing to the destruction of a marriage and possibly family.

2. Cut Off Contact

Your former lover may try to convince you to continue a relationship with him. He may reassure you that his love is genuine and that he is unhappy in his marriage. Despite his unhappiness, he has not and will not be genuine with you if he continues to stay in his marriage. Similarly, it may be difficult to detect what of his words are actually true. At this time, he holds to power to get to you. To avoid this pitfall, halt all communication with him. This includes text messages, phone calls and other modes of communication.

3. Minimize Risk

While he may not be able to commit fully to an honest relationship with you, he may not like the idea of you moving on without him, suggests Natalie Lue, creator of "Baggage Reclaim." Take safety precautions as you travel to work each day. If he had access to your home, make sure he returned all of your keys, or try changing the locks and your security codes.

4. Reevaluate Goals

Before meeting your lover, you likely had goals for yourself. In fact, when you met your lover, you had goals for your relationship. You may have put some of those goals on the backburner during the relationship, but now is the time to start focusing on them. Maybe you really want to go back to school. Now is the time to start working on that goal. Lue notes that "You have to put the focus back to you, if you are truly intent on succeeding." You likely envisioned dating and having a lasting relationship with someone. Now is the time to start dating again and picking men who are available to you in all aspects of their lives.

About the Author

Ashlea Campbell writes about families, relationships and health-related issues. In addition to writing professionally, she teaches writing courses at Collin College in Plano, Texas. She holds a Masters degree in English education from the University of Kansas.

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