Messages are given through much more than words.

How to Seem Less Intimidating to Guys

by Christine Jax

According to matchmaker and dating coach Michelle Jacoby, men are not intimidated by the success or high incomes of women, but they do want women to behave differently than men. In other words, they are not looking for additional male energy. Jacoby claims that what men want most “is a feminine, nurturing, kind, caring, easy-going woman."

1. Appearance

Dress for the occasion and dress like a confident woman, Jacoby advises. Leave the cash and prizes at home, she adds. Don’t wear a fur, lots of expensive jewelry or a power suit. It’s overwhelming and intimidating to men and women alike to have monetary or career success flaunted in front of them. Dress in a down-to-earth manner if you want to be approachable and immediately likable.

2. Conversation

Remember the golden rule: Everyone likes to be complimented and appreciated. If your date put together a great outfit, let him know. If he has shown you a good time, thank him. Politeness and praise go a long way in avoiding intimidation. Find mutual interests to talk about. If you are only talking about yourself, it may not be that he is intimidated by you; he may be bored. Feel free to disagree, but don’t turn a disagreement into an argument. Let your humor shine. After all, everyone likes to laugh and have fun.

3. Actions

Rachel Greenwald, a professional dating coach and blogger for "The Huffington Post," reminds us that dating is a game. When dating, men are looking for women who appear kind and thoughtful, not women who are competitive, argumentative or who display masculine tendencies. Smile a lot, and tilt your head down periodically during conversation. Pointing to research from the "Journal of Experimental Social Psychology," "Men’s Health Magazine" reports that a chin tilted up comes across as intimidating, whereas a chin dipped down actually lowers intimidation. Think about other aspects of your body language. Avoid folding your arms across your chest, signaling resistance, or putting your hands on your hips, signaling a need for power.

4. Final Thoughts

According to Jacoby, “Men are simple and straightforward. What they want most of all is to feel like men.” That means you should allow the man to pursue you and gain your interest. Trying too hard or bragging about your successes too adamantly will leave a man feeling overshadowed. Let him shine, and let him shine a light on you. Most importantly, take the advice of author and poet Oscar Wilde: “Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”

About the Author

Christine Jax has been a writer since 1991 in the areas of education, parenting and family relationships. Professor Jax has a Ph.D. in education policy and administration, a Master of Arts in public administration and a Bachelor of Arts in child psychology. She has worked in PK-12 and higher education for more than 20 years.

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