Hormones, relationships and school are all issues that can stress out your son and cause him to lash out. Learning to stop arguing with your teenage son might be easier said than done, but it'll be worth the effort in the long run when your home becomes more of a haven.
1 Realize that you and your son have different communication techniques, according to PsychologyToday.com. While you are trying to understand what he is saying, your son might simply be trying to get a reaction out of you. Remain silent when your child begins to pick a fight with you to give him a moment to begin to sort things out in his mind.
2 Recognize that your son is struggling with something and is not sure how to deal with it. Show compassion and express that you would like to help him work out what is bothering him. Create some boundaries during a time when you are not arguing, such as not cursing, name-calling or throwing objects.
3 Remember that in the end, your son is not going to win because you control elements such as finances, his curfew and his cell phone. Resist your son’s attempts to draw you back into an argument and wait for him to settle down.
4 Actively listen to what your son is trying to tell you, according to the PsychologyToday.com article. Avoid yelling back or arguing your point. Aim for the heart of the issue. Realize that your child is speaking out of pure emotion and needs to calm down before he can think straight.
5 Talk to your son about what is bothering him once you have diffused his emotional rant. Say, “Let’s start over. What is really bothering you?” Get to the issue at hand and talk through it together. Model clear communication techniques that your son can use later in life, while giving him the opportunity to express his own opinions and feelings.
6 Walk away if your son refuses to calm down or have a rational discussion. Say, “I am going to take a break now so we can cool down and think about what we would like to say.” Give your son the space to walk away from you if he needs some time to gather his thoughts or calm down, according to Peter Benson, an expert on adolescents and the author of "Sparks: How Parents Can Help the Hidden Strengths on Teenagers."
- Use the support method that helps you best to stop arguing with your son, like asking your spouse to stand with you, counting to 10 or taking a deep breath.
- Avoid using the words always and never. Do not compare your teenage son to his siblings.
- Do not hammer your son with a list of questions so he does not feel like he is being interrogated.
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