Cheating on your boyfriend may leave you feeling helpless; you most likely do not know what to say that will convince him you are truly sorry. You probably cheated on him during a moment of weakness, and you likely have little to no true feelings for the person you went out with. However, for your boyfriend, nothing shakes his sense of self and trust in the relationship more than being cheated on, says marriage and family therapist Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW. If your relationship means a lot to you and you want to restore it to how it was before, understand the challenges your boyfriend faces in learning to trust you again.
1 Apologize sincerely. A basic and honest apology is the first step in winning back your boyfriend. A so-called "botched apology" occurs when you intend to apologize but never deliver; this can have serious social consequences on the relationship, reports psychiatrist Aaron Lazare. Instead of assuming your boyfriend knows how much you regret your transgression, tell him sincerely that you made a huge mistake and how much you wish you had not cheated.
2 Cut off all communications with your ex-lover. To win your boyfriend's heart back after cheating, understand his vulnerabilities. Cut off all communication with the person with whom you were unfaithful to demonstrate that you sincerely have no interest in continuing to bond with your temporary fling. Cheating on your partner more than once shows that you have no intention of changing, says Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, author of "Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy."
3 Agree to be held accountable for your actions. If your boyfriend takes you back, expect him to want to know every detail of your whereabouts, your activities and your companions, for at least the first part of your restored relationship. Forgiveness doesn't automatically mean non-accountability for your actions, reports Rose Sweet, writing for Focus on the Family. Your lover is going to feel fragile and vulnerable. Agree to fill him in on what you are doing and the people you are spending time with to allow him to slowly rebuild trust.
4 Give your boyfriend time to heal and don't place a timeline on his recovery. Doing so only pressures him to feel better about what you did and potentially may cause him to go into denial. Honor him by letting him mourn at his own pace. While you still want a relationship with him, let him rebuild his own idea of your love and develop a new perspective on the connection you have.
- A chance exists that you will not win your boyfriend back after you cheat. If he shows no interest in reconciliation or a relationship with you, do not push him. Instead, accept his decision, and move on.
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