After a husband’s affair, rebuilding your marriage may seem like a daunting process. Be prepared to invest time and effort. Although it may not be easy to forgive your husband, with love and commitment, you can rebuild and repair the marriage.
1. Talk about the Affair
“From understanding flows forgiveness, and this is what is needed for partners to become close again,” explains Ondina Hatvany, marriage and family therapist in a Psychcentral.com article. In other words, although it may be uncomfortable to talk about your husband’s affair, understanding what happened—and why—is a good first step. While some couples may be able to discuss the affair on their own, others may need a marriage counselor.
2. Share Ownership of Marital Problems
The Mayo Clinic explains that affairs often come about after years of unaddressed marital issues. Both of you must make an effort to fix the problems in your marriage. Thus, you and your husband should take the time to look back on your relationship and see what worked and what didn't. Strive for a “radical marriage upgrade” that includes improved empathy and communication skills, suggests Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist writing for Psychology Today.
3. Recommit to Your Marriage
To rebuild after your husband has cheated, you will both need to commit to repairing the relationship. For your husband, this will mean cutting off communication with his other partner. For you, rebuilding the marriage will include working through anger, hurt and mistrust.
4. Give Yourself Time to Heal
You cannot rebuild your relationship overnight. For months—or even years—you might feel suspicious every time your husband answers his phone or checks his email. This is normal for a time, but at some point, let go of your worries. If you are going to save the marriage, you will eventually need to trust your husband again.