It's time to move forward.

How to Accept That a Man Will Never Be Able to Love You

by Lauren Vork

Unrequited love always hurts, but you may be prolonging your pain and denying yourself future opportunities at happiness if you put off moving on. In order to truly get over your lost chance at romance, you may need to push yourself to stop hanging on to hope that things will change. Help yourself do that by understanding what unrequited love means, as well as how you can cope with all the unpleasant feelings it brings.


Lessen the discomfort and embarrassment of unrequited love through empathy. Think of a time when you've been admired or loved by someone you respect and care for, but didn't return the feeling. If this hasn't happened to you, imagine what it would feel like if it did happen. Keep someone specific in mind whom you know. Consider that the object of your affection doesn't choose not to love you back any more than you choose to be in love with him. He may wish he could return your affection or have the same feelings you would have if you were in his place.

Analyzing Attraction

Analyze the nature of your attractions and how this man fits into your personal pattern. Compare him to other strong attractions you've had in your life, and look for general patterns in what kind of man you tend to have strong feelings for. Write down lists to quantify the kinds of traits that attract you. This won't diminish the feelings themselves, but it will help you to demystify them and recognize that just because it didn't wok this time, doesn't mean there won't be others of your type that you'll fall for later.

Blame Chemistry -- Not Yourself

Recognize that romantic feelings are a matter of compatibility and mutual “spark” or strong chemistry. In a mature understanding of love, attraction is not a matter of being “good enough” or in someone's “league,” but of mutually tripping the right emotional triggers. It's easy to make value judgments about yourself in the face of rejection and to become hypersensitive about the areas that you're already insecure about, but remember that there's nothing wrong or inadequate about you just because you aren't his type in the same way he is yours. Learn to think of it as just incompatible chemistry.

Get Space

While feelings of a strong nature can't easily be put completely out of mind just by putting him out of sight, it will help to get distance. Avoid spending time with him, or at least spend less time. Avoid doing things that make you think of him, like viewing his social network profile or re-reading correspondences you've had. Give yourself a chance to let the reality of your unrequited love sink in and to let your thoughts about him calm on their own.

Dealing With It

Remember than an important part of moving forward is to let yourself mourn the loss of the possibility. Falling for a guy probably means that you've built a lot of hopes and fantasies around the idea of being with him, even if you didn't mean to. You may have to let go of those hopes one by one and let yourself feel the disappointment that comes with each one.

About the Author

Lauren Vork has been a writer for 20 years, writing both fiction and nonfiction. Her work has appeared in "The Lovelorn" online magazine and Vork holds a bachelor's degree in music performance from St. Olaf College.

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