Listen when your gut is telling you something about your man.

How to Know When Your Boyfriend Has a Woman on the Side

by Elise Wile

You suspect something is up because your guy isn't putting 100 percent into the relationship. It is odd. He used to be Mr. Devoted. Now, he's Mr. Distracted. You have an uneasy feeling you just can't put your finger on. If you suspect you boyfriend may have another lady in the wings, pay attention to that sinking feeling in your gut, and put your powers of observation into play.

Behavioral Changes

If you've been in your relationship for a while, and notice that your formerly scruffy guy has taken to shaving daily and slapping on a new aftershave, another woman might be in the picture. Often you will see numerous behavioral changes, notes dating coach Joe Amoia in the article, "How To Identify A Cheater" on "Your Tango." Perhaps a man who never washes the car has become obsessed about its cleanliness. Maybe he has ditched his habit of wining and dining you on Saturday nights in favor of turning in early or heading for a night out "with the boys." Anytime a guy's behavior turns 180 degrees it is, time to pay attention.

Unanswered Questions

Life becomes a enigma when one partner is cheating, with all sorts of unexplained mysteries popping up. You might notice credit card bills with odd charges or answer the phone and be hung up on, notes psychologist Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., in the "Psychology Today" article, "Relationship Advice: Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?" Your boyfriend might "work late" when before, he hit the door at 5 on the dot. Suddenly, he has "boring conferences" to attend. You might find a mysterious number in a coat pocket or catch a whiff of a perfume that isn't yours. While these are not proof of cheating, when a cluster of them occur, you can bet that something is up.

Overall Character

One of the biggest clues to whether your man has another woman on the side is his character, says Amoia. For example, if you're talking to him and he brags to you about how he cheated his workplace out of 50 dollars by hacking the time clock, you can bet that even if there isn't another woman in his life now, he probably wont any hesitation about cheating if someone catches his eye in the future. Lying in one area of life often means that person will liein another area -- because poor ethics are exactly that -- and they do not change just because he is dating you.


The presence of new hobbies that do not include you is a sign of possible cheating, notes Kirschner. If your guy has recently decided to go on hiking trips every weekend when previously he hailed hail a cab before so that he wouldn't have to walk three blocks -- that's a warning sign. Increased anger and less sex are other signs you might notice. If the guy who used to enjoy a lazy Sunday afternoon hanging out with you watching the game suddenly has "stuff to do," pay attention.

About the Author

Elise Wile has been a writer since 2003. Holding a master's degree in curriculum and Instruction, she has written training materials for three school districts. Her expertise includes mentoring, serving at-risk students and corporate training.

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