Develop clearer standards if you are attracted to the "bad boy" type.

How to Change the Kind of Man You Attract

by Kristen Moutria

A romantic relationship has the potential to be fulfilling, exciting and healthy. However, always attracting a man who drains you instead of encourages you will most likely end up in heartbreak. There are most likely fundamental reasons you always attract the wrong type of man, but recognizing them will give you the power to change your tendencies and enjoy a satisfying relationship.

Develop Clearer Standards

You may be consistently attracting the wrong type of man because you do not have a clear set of standards for your partner. Instead of allowing yourself to fall for someone based on his good looks or charming personality, make sure he meets certain criteria you have developed ahead of time. For example, you may want the type of man who is willing to work hard at an unglamorous job if it means the bills will get paid. You may value integrity above all else, and decide that if the man you date tells white lies, he is not the guy for you. Being honest with yourself about what you desire in a mate and sticking to these standards no matter what will help change the kind of man you attract. The right man will appreciate your strict standards, instead of being scared away by them.

Analyze Your Childhood

Voids from your childhood may be responsible for the fact that you always seem to attract the wrong type of man. As you grew and developed, you learned to suppress certain parts of your emotions, says Dr. Harville Hendrix, author of "Making Marriage Simple: Ten Simple Truths to a Happy Marriage." You may subconsciously attract the type of man who you feel will fill these voids, and make up for what you lost during your childhood. For example, you might attract a man who is very expressive of anger if you felt the need to suppress your anger as a child. Analyze your past experiences and try to figure out any emotional voids you might have. Instead of seeking to fill them with a relationship, work on becoming happier by yourself.

Improve Your Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem may be responsible for the fact that you keep attracting the wrong kind of guy. Instead of recognizing that you are worthy of a fulfilling relationship, you may enter into a relationship that is only partially satisfying -- a person settles for a mediocre relationship if she does not feel she deserves someone amazing. Make a long list of things you love about yourself, whether it be your commitment to academic excellence, your devotion to fitness or your ability to laugh at life's challenges. Focusing on what makes you special will help you attract a man who will also appreciate your strengths.

Recognize Patterns in Your Life

Unhealthy patterns in your life may be setting you up to attract the wrong man time and time again. Look back at the relationships you have had in your past. By becoming aware of patterns, you will be able to see exactly the type of person you always end up in a relationship with. You might always fall for a man who has an ego, since you focus on his confidence instead of the fact that he is not humble. When you become aware of the pitfalls you always fall into, you will be empowered to recognize them in the future and avoid the same mistakes.

About the Author

Kristen Moutria has a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Evangel University. She is currently pursuing her Master of Arts in education from the University of Nebraska.

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