Dating at 45 requires only a little more personal effort.

How to Date at 45

by Emma Wells

Being single and dating at 45 can be daunting, especially with kids and a career to think about. Yet women in their 40’s are usually at their sexual peak, successful in their careers, and have more life experience than women have in their 20’s. All of that energy is useful, because dating at 45 requires more resourcefulness than dating in your 20’s, when people your age weren’t already settled in the suburbs.

Online and Offline

To date again later in life, you need to grow outside of your comfort zone, advises Denver-based dating coach Rachel Greenwald. Learn how to use dating websites, go to a matchmaker, and ask acquaintances to set you up with people they know. Often, real-world matchmaking works better for women in their 40’s trying to meet men their age than dating online. Middle-aged men online are cherry-picking younger women, seeking to attain the impossible perfect mate, and it’s leaving single women their age in the lurch, says relationship expert Susan Quilliam in an interview for “The Observer.”

Date Younger

There is one way to increase your chance of dating online successfully at 45, and that’s to stay open to the possibility of meeting younger men. Younger men want to meet older women, says Julia MacMillan, owner of, a matchmaking site with 26,000 members. 70 percent of those members are men, notes Macmillan. She cites 10 to 15 years as a successful age gap for relationships between older women and younger men, and says the site has resulted in many a happy pairing. Even if you don’t meet a younger man online, you should stay open to the possibility, because it expands your options.

Date Often

Proactive women at 45 should date at least once a week, says Manhattan love-life coach Nancy Slotnick. You need to be dating often to “work the numbers” and to get used to rejection. That way, you remain confident in yourself and your dating abilities, and you maintain a goal of finding someone who is a good fit for you.

Accept Flaws

Dating later also means that you and your potential mate are likely to be set in your ways, or even carrying some emotional baggage, if you’re dating someone close in age. Dating someone now means accepting them for who they are -- not looking for some non-existent ideal person, says Rachel Greenwald, author of the book, “Why He Didn’t Call You Back.” Dawn Touchings, president of the introduction network, The Right Stuff, agrees, pointing out that having a list of qualities you require is the wrong approach. Often the person who is the most compatible doesn’t match any data you could enter into a website, she argues. Remain open to meeting a good person who can enjoy life with you, and you’ll have a wider range of options.

About the Author

Emma Wells has been writing professionally since 2004. She is also a writing instructor, editor and former elementary school teacher. She has a Master's degree in writing and a Bachelor of Arts in English and anthropology. Her creative work has been published in several small literary magazines.

Photo Credits

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