Getting over his past means letting go of insecurities.

Dating a Divorced Man Whose Past You Are Jealous of

by Nina Edwards

With divorce rates getting higher and higher, the chances of you falling for a divorced man are also climbing. If it already happened and you don’t know how to cope with your man’s past marriage, know that you’re not alone. There are some facts about dating a divorced man that you simply need to accept. He has come to you with all the experience, but also the scars of a married man. Navigating through all of it is rarely easy.

Why Are You Jealous?

Finding the root of your jealousy will help you to better understand yourself and your partner. You may be feeling insecure. Or, perhaps you’ve been emotionally wounded in the past. Try to analyze your way of thinking and pinpoint those beliefs that feed and nourish your jealousy. The first step in defeating it, is figuring out where it comes from. It is your opportunity to overcome your own weaknesses and come out as a stronger person.

His Ex Wife

If you’re jealous of his ex, you are probably worrying that he may still have feelings for her. You can never erase the fact that he’s been married to her and that he has shared a deep love for her. What you can change is getting depressed and insecure every time he mentions her name, as the article, “Three Tips For Dating a Divorced Guy” on YourTango suggests. Stop focusing your thoughts on his ex-wife, and instead focus on how to best run your own life and your relationship. Your heart will follow your focus.

His Kids

You might worry that he is using his kids as an excuse to spend more time with his ex. The truth is, they have to communicate about their children and you should respect that. Also, remember that they are divorced for a reason. The worst thing you can do is try to make him choose between you and his children, according to an article, “Divorce and Remarriage: A New Beginning, a New Set of Problems” that Shirley Maxwell Jones wrote in the "Journal of Divorce. You should give him your support when he wants to spend time with them. You can use that time for yourself and to find ways to relax on your own.

He's Yours Now

Don’t forget that this man is with you now -- and for a reason. It’s because he wants to be with you, because he finds you special, attractive and interesting. The fact that he’s been married shouldn’t make any difference to your own sense of self-worth and your own life. Make the most out of what you have and be the best person you can be. Always know that the most important battles will not be those against some imaginary foes -- but the ones against yourself.

About the Author

Nina Edwards holds a doctorate in clinical psychology and has been writing about families and relationships since 2000. She has numerous publications in scholarly journals and often writes for relationship websites as well. Edwards is a university lecturer and practicing psychologist in New York City.

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