Remain calm and stick to the issues when interacting with a cold husband during divorce.

How to Deal With a Cold Husband When Divorcing

by Shannon Philpott

In a perfect world, you and your ex would sail through a divorce, agreeing on division of assets, alimony, child support or custody arrangements with ease. Unfortunately, life is not perfect and neither is the divorce process. If your husband is consumed by bitterness and anger, remain calm and stick to the issues when conversations are necessary.

Recognize Emotions

If your husband is cold and rude when discussing the divorce, know that you cannot control his actions, but you can empathize with what he is feeling. The divorce has evoked a variety of emotions for both of you and as much as you may be suffering emotionally, your husband is likely in pain as well. Recognize that both of you have feelings of disappointment, resentment, anger, sadness and bitterness, according to family therapist Elly Prior, founder of Have realistic expectations and accept that it is difficult for your husband to be agreeable. Offer words of support such as “I know this is hard,” or “We will get through this,” to show that you genuinely care about his well-being. Even if his response is cold, it is important to maintain an environment of caring for your own well-being.

Stay Cordial

Biting tones and sarcastic comments from a cold husband can test your patience, but lashing back will not ease the divorce process. Even though it is tempting to raise your voice, lash out or engage in the blame game, lawyers at Woodward, Pires & Lombardo Attorneys at Law in Naples, Fla., recommend speaking in a soft tone. By exhibiting a gentle tone and positive body language, you will show your spouse that you are willing to resolve differences. If your spouse notices your cordial behavior, he may follow suit and converse in a respectful manner.

Enlist the Help of Mediators

When a spouse is unreasonable, cold and disrespectful during the divorce process, it may be time to seek the help of a mediator, especially if children are involved. A professional divorce mediator can brainstorm compromises and solutions to issues that you and your spouse are unable to discuss respectfully. A mediator can also help diffuse unresolved or bitter arguments that may affect your family. Divorce is a stressful time for you and your spouse, but children experience more stress when parental conflict exists, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.

Seek a Support Group

Dealing with hostile people can drain you emotionally and physically. Take care of yourself by building a support system of family, friends and divorcees willing to listen to your concerns. Surround yourself with positive people who can help you develop strategies for cordially dealing with your spouse, recommends Prior. Social service organizations and community centers often host support groups for divorcees and social activities that can help you keep your mind off the hostile interactions with your husband.

About the Author

Shannon Philpott has been a writer since 1999. She has experience as a newspaper reporter, magazine writer and online copywriter. Philpott has published articles in St. Louis metro newspapers, "Woman's World" magazine, "CollegeBound Teen" magazine and on e-commerce websites, and also teaches college journalism and English. She holds a Master of Arts in English from Southern Illinois University.

Photo Credits

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