Openly discuss your mother's expectations of having grandchildren.

How to Deal With Your Mom Wanting Grandchildren

by Jack John

When children reach adulthood, it is not uncommon for their mothers to start to long for grandchildren. After all, as they realize their babies are all grown up, mothers may begin to miss the days of sweet baby giggles, first steps and gummy smiles. If your mother keeps dropping subtle hints about how she wants to have grandchildren, or maybe if she is coming right out and telling you that she wants you to have children, you may have to sit down and talk to her about the topic. Creating a dialogue about the topic of grandchildren is not only good for you, but it is also good for your mother.

Determine Your Feelings

Before you sit down and talk with your mother about the topic of having grandchildren, think about your own feelings. Consider whether or not you really want to have children. Think about the reasons why you want to have a child, what the state of your relationship with your partner is, whether or not you are financially prepared and if you will be able to adapt to the lifestyle changes that come with having a baby, says Margarita Tartakovksy, writing for If you want to have children one day, you may not be ready. After all, the decision to have -- or not have -- children is a big one. So, you want to be firm in your approach when discussing a topic that can be a sensitive one.

Approaching the Topic

Once you have determined how you feel about having children, decide how to approach the topic with your mother. Perhaps arranging a sit-down conversation with her is the best approach. Perhaps writing a carefully thought-out letter is a better option. Alternatively, you may want to wait until the next time she mentions that she wants to have grandchildren and use that as your springboard for your discussion.

Have the Talk

No matter how you feel about having children, or how you approach the topic, one thing is for sure: You want to make sure that you have a cool, calm and open conversation with your mother. Explain your feelings. Allow her to explain her feelings. Being an active listener, making eye contact and sharing how you truly feel are all key elements of effective communication, according to the University of Maine Extension. Using such strategies will allow you to share your point-of-view in an effective manner. Don't talk over your mother or dive into a heated debate. Listen to what she has to say, and consider her feelings.

Your Decision

At the end of the day, you are the one who will be having children. No matter how much your mother wants to have grandchildren, the decision is ultimately yours. If you aren't ready to have children, or you don't foresee yourself having children, don't bend just because your mother wants to have grandchildren. Explain to her all of the fun things that you can still do together, even without grandchildren. Tell her how much you care for her and respect her feelings, but stick to what is best for you.

About the Author

Jack John is a trained and experienced educator. He holds a Bachelor of Arts in elementary education and a Master of Science in literacy education from LIU. He has been working since 2001 as a classroom teacher and one-to-one tutor, and writing since 2008.

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