Expressing your gratitude will make it easier to say goodbye.

How to End Dating Politely With a Man You Aren't Interested In

by Kristen Moutria

If you are dating a man you are no longer interested in, you might be unsure about how to end your dating relationship without being hurtful. Perhaps you shared many good times, but you are aware that your relationship does not have much potential for the future. Maybe you have begun to see this man as more of a friend than a lover. Whatever the case, you can end your dating relationship in a way that respects your date's emotions while still letting him know how you really feel.

Face Your Fears

You may be afraid of ending your relationship because you do not want to cause hurt feelings, but refusing to break up with your lover because you are afraid of his reaction is a bad idea. So much is put on the line when two people begin to date that the thought of avoiding confrontation is often tempting, according to Neil Clark Warren, a psychologist and founder of the dating website However, resist the urge to bury your feelings. Remind yourself that breaking up will be difficult for a moment but that continuing to date someone you do not have feelings for will be difficult for much longer.

Surround Yourself with Support

Before you let your date know that you can no longer be involved in a relationship with him, surround yourself with people who care about you. You may have one specific friend whom you often confide in about your personal issues or several people you feel you can trust. You will need a good support team to keep you on track after the breakup as well, according to Juliana Breines, a doctoral candidate in social and personality psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. These people will provide needed assurance that you are making the right decision for yourself.

Be Honest With Your Date

Let your date know that you are no longer interested in pursuing an intimate relationship with him. Delivering the message that you are not interested will be a bit uncomfortable, but there will be much more discomfort involved if you wait to confront him, according to Dr. Warren. Do not try to make it seem as if there is any room for negotiation, or that you are taking a temporary break as opposed to a permanent one. While you may be tempted to make your decision seem less drastic than it is, this will only confuse your date and cause him to wonder what you truly feel.

Express Your Appreciation

Once you have broken up, express your appreciation for all the wonderful times you shared together. Explain what attracted you to him in the first place, and let him know what you like about who he is as a person. Letting him know that you had many good times with him and that you see his favorable qualities will help soften the blow of rejection; these actions will also keep the door open for friendship if both of you are interested. Walking away on a good note is one of the best ways to be polite about your decision.

About the Author

Kristen Moutria has a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Evangel University. She is currently pursuing her Master of Arts in education from the University of Nebraska.

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