You and your guy have been dating for a while. He’s charming, he’s good looking, and he’s everything you want in a man except he is still in love with his ex-girlfriend. He is not alone, according to the article, "Sorry, But This Is Why You Can't Be Friends With Your Ex," on Psychology Today. Not only that but 71 percent of those surveyed said that they thought about their ex too much, and more than 57 percent of singles said this prevents them from being able to fall in love again.
Ending the Relationship
It might have been womanly intuition that prompted you to decide to stop dating or end the relationship. Maybe you noticed the look in his eyes every time he mentioned her name, or maybe he simply can’t stop talking about his ex-girlfriend. Whatever compelled you to decide to end the relationship, you know in your heart that ending it is the best thing to do, but you are not sure how to do it. First, make sure you are ending the relationship based on your own legitimate feelings, and not hearsay. If you truly believe that the guy you are dating is still in love with his ex, validate your own feelings by writing down your thoughts and making sure that you are deciding to break up for the right reason.
For many, ending a relationship is a challenging task, especially if you have been dating for more than a year. It’s probably one of the reasons why Chelsea Lewis, suggested in her article, "Top Ten Break Up Songs" to start the break up process by dancing away the emotional pain to your favorite song. Finding the right words and the right timing is not easy. In a survey published by Cosmopolitan, in which more than 100,000 men and women discussed getting dumped, some 80 percent revealed that a breakup should be done face to face. A small percentage said it is OK to break up via a messaging service.
Take ownership of your feelings. Start out with something positive about the relationship, like, “I really have enjoyed our dates and spending time with you.” Next, discuss why you feel the relationship should end, which will vary, depending upon whether or not you and he have previously discussed his feelings for his ex-girlfriend. Try to remain calm. You could say, “I feel that it is better for us to be friends instead of continuing to date.” You could then explain that you have noticed that he seems to have feelings for his ex-girlfriend and that you would prefer that you be friends, instead of continuing to date.
Listen and Respond
At this point, he may not want to discuss why you feel this way. If he doesn’t want to discuss it, don’t push him. If he insists that he doesn’t have feelings for his ex-girlfriend and is surprised about your feelings, listen to what he has to say. When he is finished; explain what why you think that he still has feelings for his ex-girlfriend.; He may admit that you’re right, and that he will always have feelings for her, but his feelings for you are stronger. You can choose to stand your ground and let him know that you do not wish to participate in a rebound relationship. Let him know that most likely he needs time to heal and get over his past relationship.