He's in pain and looking for a new connection.

What Happens in Rebound Relationships?

by Genevieve Van Wyden

You and your former partner recently broke up -- yet you just spotted your ex walking down the street holding someone's hand and gazing lovingly into that person's eyes. The breakup was difficult, and you’re still working on recovering. Before you go running after your ex with accusations that she never loved you, get into her mind and understand why she’s with someone else so soon after breaking up with you.

Emotional Support

Your ex really did put all her emotions into your relationship, despite what it looks like right now. Yes, she was looking deep into that other person’s eyes. But she was looking for the support she no longer has now that the two of you are not an item. You may have your close friends to turn to when things get rough. Your ex has her buddies, but perhaps she won’t engage in deep discussions about your breakup.

Need to Reconnect

While you and your former partner were together, you formed some strong emotional connections. His emotional feelers were unconnected until he met someone new. John M. Grohol, LMSW, notes that your ex might feeling a strong need to connect with someone because of his reaction to your breakup. Yet, in entering his new relationship so fast, he hasn’t had time to examine your relationship. Because he hasn’t dealt with past issues, they are bound to become a part of his new relationship.

Deja Vu

As your former partner’s new relationship moves along, she may begin to notice certain issues developing. She might begin to see behaviors in her new partner that she was not aware of before. Certain attitudes might become a problem for her, causing her to think, “I’ve been through this before,” notes Robert Stone, writing for Psych Central.

Risk of Over-Commitment

Once he meets someone new, your former partner is at risk of committing too strongly or early before he knows whether this new romantic interest is compatible, suggests Michael Myerscough in The Relationship Gym. Because of the pain he’s feeling but not admitting to himself, he’s making himself vulnerable as he looks for new love.

Your Ex Is Hurting

Your ex won’t admit it to herself or anyone else, but the loss of your relationship has hit her hard and she’s in pain. Perhaps she has bottled up her feelings, and the only way she can relieve her pain is to meet someone new and start experiencing reciprocal feelings of attraction. She may figure it won’t hurt if she gets sexually involved with the new person. Once she has someone at her side, everything seems better.

New Relationship Jeopardy

Once your former partner is aware of the issues in his past relationships, this awareness puts his new relationship at risk. When men and women move into new relationships before they face the issues in past relationships, they may find themselves in a cycle of new relationships, broken relationships and more new relationships.

About the Author

Genevieve Van Wyden began writing in 2007. She has written for “Tu Revista Latina” and owns three blogs. She has worked as a CPS social worker, gaining experience in the mental-health system. Van Wyden earned her Bachelor of Arts in journalism from New Mexico State University in 2006.

Photo Credits

  • Hemera Technologies/AbleStock.com/Getty Images