A relationship with a misogynistic man can wear you down.

How to Heal After Being Married to a Misogynist

by Elise Wile

"The Merriam-Webster Dictionary" defines misogyny as a "hatred of women." Being married to a misogynist is not affirming, healthy or fun. In fact, it's likely that after having left such a marriage, you bear wounds caused by hearing disparaging remarks toward your gender and living with your former partner's hateful actions related to his views of women. Once you accept that his words and behavior were based on his warped thinking and not based on you as an individual, it will be easier to heal and move on with your life.

Help Others

If you were married to a misogynist for a number of years, you can likely empathize with other women who have lived in marriages in which their fundamental rights as human beings were disrespected. Consider volunteering at a shelter for battered women as a step toward your own healing. As you encourage the women to make healthy steps toward positive living, you'll hear and internalize what you are saying, setting yourself on the path of healing from the wounds caused by life with a man who hates women.

Discover Yourself

If you've been in an emotionally abusive relationship, you may have invested a lot of energy into trying to avoid your husband's anger and criticisms, says psychologist and relationship expert Steven Stosny, Ph.D., in a March 2011 article in "Psychology Today." Your husband, as a misogynist, has likely disrespected the very core of your being, since he holds animosity toward your gender. If you've put your personality on the back burner in an effort to make the relationship bearable, you need to take the time to rediscover who you were before you became involved with your ex. As you discover your core self, you'll begin to heal.

Seek Assistance

In your marriage to a misogynist, it's likely that your attempts to move forward in a positive direction in life were stymied by his desire to control the relationship. If you find it difficult to get rid of the voices in your head that tell you you're not good enough or that women can't possibly accomplish anything of worth, seek help from a counselor or life coach. Having an objective person in your life to reaffirm your positive choices can be an invaluable tool in your recovery from your previous life.

Avoid Similar Relationships

Abusive relationships destroy self-confidence. Unfortunately, a lack of self-confidence and sense of helplessness is exactly what abusers tend to look for in partners, according to the counseling center at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. It's crucial that you avoid entering a new relationship until you've given yourself time to heal from your time with your women-hating spouse. Otherwise, you risk finding yourself in a similar relationship and will significantly delay your healing and growth.

About the Author

Elise Wile has been a writer since 2003. Holding a master's degree in curriculum and Instruction, she has written training materials for three school districts. Her expertise includes mentoring, serving at-risk students and corporate training.

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