Disagreements and arguments between mothers and daughters are not uncommon. It is challenging to be in a situation where your mother and grandmother constantly get into arguments or outright fights. If you find yourself in such a situation, the experience can be unsettling or even painful. When you have this experience with your mother and grandma, you can do something about it and not have to suffer in silence.
Understand Your Reactions
It is essential to understand why the situation is unsettling for you. You should be able to clearly articulate to both parties what the effect of their behavior is on you. Focus on you and your experience when witnessing the arguing or fighting between the two of them.
Identify Your Feelings
If you are experiencing fear, write that down and also make a note on what you are fearful about. If you become anxious when you are around them, make a note of it. You may also become angry when they are fighting. The idea is for you to acknowledge and own your feelings and to articulate it for yourself.
Meet with Them
Speaking to your mother and grandmother is a courageous step. To ensure that you do not become overwhelmed, schedule to meet them individually at different times. Keep in mind you want to improve the situation, so set yourself up for success by planning what you will say to each of them. Rehearse what you will say and how you will say it a few times before you actually speak to them.
Share Your Feelings
When speaking to your mother and grandmother stick to the facts. Speak about specific times and situations when they were arguing or fighting. Articulate what you experience when your mother and grandmother argue in your presence. When you talk to them, be specific about the reasons for your discomfort. Do not focus on how they make you feel. Clearly describe your feelings and emotions when you see or hear their fights.
Express Your Love
You are not having the conversation with them because you do not want to be around them anymore. On the contrary, you have the conversations because you love and value both of them. Ensure that you clearly articulate that you love them and that you would like to have a different experience when you are around them.
You can make specific suggestions on how they can begin to solve their differences. Also, you can ask both of them how you could be of assistance to them as a way to create a more positive experience when you are all together.
Express Your Gratitude
Acknowledge that it may not have been easy for them to hear what you had to say and reiterate that it is not your intention to blame or hurt them but to foster stronger relationships among everyone. Thank them for making the time to listen to you.
Cautions and Tips
Be clear in your mind what your desired outcome of the meetings is but be careful not to have unrealistic expectations. Carefully express and articulate what your desired outcome is but give them the room to choose how they want to address the problem in the future.