Touching your friend can signal to him that you want to be closer.

How to Move From the Friendship Stage to the Boyfriend Stage

by Katrina Miller

When you want your friend to become your boyfriend, you must communicate your interest and coax his. Indirect communication (hinting, flirting) is used most often in the earlier part of the transition between friend and boyfriend, according to the 2003 “Handbook of Communication and Social Interaction Skills." You need to watch his response to test his readiness to move the relationship forward.

Test His Readiness

Secret tests of love can help you avoid rejection, according to "Handbook of Communication and Social Interaction Skills." Facebook provides many opportunities to secretly test his love. Look for feedback about his feelings for you in his response to your tags, photos and status updates. Does he seem interested in becoming Facebook official (FBO) when you identify yourself as “in a relationship”? Introduce him to family or friends as your “boyfriend” to see how he reacts.

Spend More Time Together

Initiating more frequent contact and communication is a common strategy for increasing the intensity of a relationship. Initially, you might use geolocating apps on your phone or your knowledge of his routines to show up when he is available. Your own routines provide opportunities for you to invite his participation. Embed yourself in his social network, interests and favorite hangouts while trying to engage him in your own. The idea is to become so much a part of his day that he sees you as an extension of him.

Express Affection

Your appeal to his human need to be liked and loved can fuel his desire to get closer to you. Verbal expressions of adoration can help intensify your relationship. Expressing affection with behaviors, rather than words, may be even more compelling. Experiment with nonverbal ways of communicating love and affection and observe when he lights up. How does he like physical affection? Show him that you are fun to talk to by being a good listener. Giving him mementos and tokens of affection can show him your delight in being part of his life.

Become Closer

You want to signal your interest in becoming closer by acting intimately, but you do not want to exceed his level of comfort. Talking about closeness may be an effective point of entry. Does he join in when you use the words “we” and “us” to suggest that the two of you may be a couple? Discuss feelings about intimacy and sexuality. How comfortable is your friend when you tell him very personal things about yourself? If he responds by sharing personal information about himself; you are on the right track.

About the Author

Katrina Miller is a medical writer specializing in behavioral health. She has been published in "Family Perspectives" and the "Salt Lake Tribune." She has a doctoral degree in Family and Human Development from Utah State University.

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