Letting go of anger is the only way to move on from a bad relationship.

How to Get Over Hating Your Ex-Spouse

by Linda Emma

He probably wouldn’t be your ex-spouse if you didn’t hate him at least a little. But, hate is a corrosive emotion, more likely to eat away at you than him, particularly if you have children. Even if you don’t have children, you have to let go of the bad feelings from your past to pave the way for your new life. Learn to forgive in a healthy manner and not only will you prove yourself the bigger person, you’ll feel better for it.


To every catastrophic relationship that ends in divorce, there are two sides. Unless he truly is the monster you might think he is, you probably can afford to shoulder a bit of the blame as to where things went wrong. As long as it’s safe and right for you to do so, offer an apology for your part in the break-up and acknowledge that neither of you was perfect in the relationship. You’ll probably feel better for saying 'I'm sorry,' and it may well lead him to extend one of his own.


Once he has said he’s sorry, but even if he hasn’t, find room in your heart to forgive. In spite of how horribly things may have ended, there must have been something at the beginning of your relationship that attracted you to him. Try to remember that mixed among his negative faults, you once found some positive attributes. And realize that he may never have possessed the tools to be the right person for you. He may have been handicapped from the start by circumstances beyond his control. Then, do your best to let go of the anger. You don’t ever have to like him, and while he may not even deserve your forgiveness, hating him does more harm to you than it does to him.

Set Guidelines

One of the reasons former couples struggle to get past bad feelings is because they keep creating new ones. Whether because of children, family or social commitments, you may find yourself running into your ex-spouse when you’re least prepared for it. Avoid being surprised by setting some guidelines about when you will and won’t see one another. Ask him to respect some reasonable boundaries. If he’s not willing to cooperate, then make it clear to family and friends that you are not ready to be in the same social circles as your ex.

Find Your Own Happiness

It’s hard to get caught up in hate’s insidious clutches when your own life is going well. Surround yourself with people you love. Find work for which you have a passion. Do activities that fulfill you. Travel and expand your world. Say yes to a date or two. The more you make time for happiness, the less time you’ll have for hate. If you are struggling with feelings of resentment that are seeping into other areas of your life, seek professional help. Professionals can help give you the appropriate tools to deal with negative feelings related to bad break-ups. This is especially critical if you are struggling with anger or hatred because you experienced abuse or other sensitive issues

About the Author

Linda Emma is a long-standing writer and editor. She is also a digital marketing professional and published author with more than 20 years experience in media and business. She works as a content manager and professional writing tutor at a private New England college. She holds a bachelor's degree in journalism from Northeastern University.

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