Getting over the hurt from your husband's indiscretion is no easy task. You are likely to be experiencing a wide range of emotions, from anger to confusion. It can be difficult to put on a brave face for the sake of your children when you have been betrayed by your spouse. By confronting what has happened and working with your husband to improve your relationship, it is possible to get over the hurt.
Let Yourself Feel
It is natural to want to protect your children from the fallout of your husband's indiscretion, but you must also give yourself adequate space and time to deal with the betrayal. Don't try to justify what your husband did or blame yourself. According to psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw in the article "Moving Forward After Infidelity" on his website, your husband was wrong to betray you, regardless of whatever problems exist within the marriage. Arrange for your children to stay with a relative or trusted friend for a couple of days to give yourself the opportunity to react in all the normal ways. Expect to have trouble sleeping and a lack of appetite, to feel lethargic and tearful, and to be tortured by thoughts of your husband getting close to someone else.
Don't expect to get over the hurt of your husband's indiscretion on your own. He needs to take responsibility for his mistake and be willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild your relationship and earn your trust back. Talk to your husband about what he did. Ask him for reassurance that he won't do it again and confirmation that he will cut all ties with the third party. If he is not 100 percent committed to your marriage, you are at risk of being hurt again. A marriage needn't come to an end after infidelity, says Jay Kent-Ferraro, who holds a Ph.D. in clinical and counseling psychology, in the article "Is It Really Possible to Save a Marriage After an Affair?" for Psychology Today. It's possible to create a strong, healthy relationship if you are both committed to moving on.
Causes, not Excuses
Couples counselor Elly Prior suggests several possible causes for infidelity in the article "Overcoming Infidelity" on her website "Professional Counselling." By examining your marriage, you may be able to work out where the problems lay. Perhaps there was a lack of intimacy between you and your husband following the birth of your child, or financial strains were causing tension between you. The majority of affairs happen when certain emotional or sexual needs are not met, says professor of psychology Susan Krauss Whitbourne in the article "The Eight Reasons that People Cheat on their Partners" for "Psychology Today." A qualified marital therapist may help you work out how to resolve those issues and avoid future indiscretions. This is not about making excuses for your husband's behavior, but about making your marriage stronger than it was before.
Putting pressure on yourself to get over your hurt will make it more difficult to move on. As soon as you accept that it will take some time to forgive your husband, you will find it easier to take small steps toward happiness, says McGraw. Spending time with your husband doing things you both enjoy can help you to reconnect and rekindle the romance. Make an effort to arrange regular activities and date nights without your children.