When you've shared your life with someone, it can feel excruciating when you learn he's now enjoying his favorite sushi restaurant with another person. It's important to move past this feeling, as otherwise you risk becoming an amateur detective who is focused on her ex's life to the detriment of her own.
Don't Feed It
After you've discovered your ex is dating another person, it's hard to resist checking social-media sites for new photos of the new couple's exploits. Mutual friends in the know may be forthcoming with details as well. Resist the urge to play detective or engage in conversation about your ex and his new flame. If a friend lets you know that she saw your former love and his Angelina Jolie look-a-like girlfriend at a concert Saturday night, let her know that that you wish them well and then change the subject. Learning the details will only increase your queasiness.
Cultivating a 'c'est la vie' attitude toward life can help you to move through this painful situation. Accept that just as you have no control over whether it's sunny or rainy tomorrow, your ex's choices are equally as uncontrollable. If this feels too painful, you may not have allowed yourself to fully grieve the end of your relationship. Allow yourself feel the pain of your loss and you'll find it easier to move on, according to HelpGuide.org.
When you've discovered that your ex and his new girlfriend are also on the guest list for a mutual friend's upcoming wedding, imagining the two of them cuddling up together on a church pew while you sit alone can make you queasy. Instead of visualizing this agonizing scenario, immediately distract yourself. Call your cell phone provider and take care of that overcharge on last month's bill you've been putting off. Reorganize your closet. Call a friend and go see an action movie. Do anything but focus on the situation. If painful feelings come up despite your best effort to become fully engaged in a Jackie Chan flick, be patient with yourself, advises psychologist Leslie Becker-Phelps in a January 2013 article in "Psychology Today." Dealing with the painful emotions engendered by a breakup will take some time.
Usually it's best to think positive, but in this case, focusing on the negative may help you to gain some needed perspective. Think about your ex's annoying habit of calculating exactly 15 percent of the restaurant bill before tipping or his refusal to listen respectfully to an opposing point of view and thank your lucky stars that it's not you who now has to suffer through the mortification of your ex digging through his pockets for change at the end of a meal.