Emotional insecurity can damage relationships.

How to Overcome Emotional Insecurity

by Karen Kleinschmidt

Emotional insecurity in a relationship, whether romantic or platonic, may cause a vicious push-pull cycle. According to GoodTherapy.org, a website devoted to finding therapists and advocating for ethical therapy, people who are insecure in relationships have a propensity to become clingy or needy of the other person, which often causes that person to pull away. The insecure person, in turn, generally feels even less secure. Reasons for the insecurity may stem from any number of reasons, including early childhood experiences or previous negative relationship experiences.


Identify the cause of your insecurity. Is the issue an intrinsic one or something your partner or friend is doing to create insecurity within you? Ask yourself if your needs are being met in the relationship. While ending the relationship is an option, there are alternatives that can help fill your emotional needs -- taking up a hobby, finding fulfillment in other areas of your life or spending time with other friends. Keep in mind that one person cannot meet all of your emotional needs. Branch out and spend time away from your partner as you come to terms with the sources of your insecurities.


Communicate with your partner regarding your emotional needs. If you are involved in an intimate relationship and emotional insecurity is an ongoing issue for you, talk openly and honestly about it. Ask for clarification and avoid making assumptions if you don't understand your partner's intentions. According to GoodTherapy.org, if you attempt to read your partner's mind, your insecurity is likely to increase should you misinterpret something he overlooked as an outright rejection.

Positive Thinking

Engage in positive thinking regarding your relationship. As much as possible, center most of your attention on the positive traits of your friend and see the good in what she does and says. Realize that all relationships consist of moments of closeness and intimacy as well as the need for space. Yours and your friend's moods will change. Mark Tyrrell of the website UncommonHelp.me recommends asking yourself if you are feeling insecure based on a fact or a feeling. The latter can lead you to see reality in a skewed fashion.

Accept Uncertainty

Accept that nothing is certain. Although you may want to know for certain that your partner will still be by your side five years from now, Tyrrell recommends relaxing and enjoying being present in the relationship. Begin to reassure yourself by challenging your own fears. Ask yourself what is the worst thing that could happen if your relationship ended. Acknowledge your inner strengths and tell yourself you will be OK with or without the relationship.

About the Author

Karen Kleinschmidt has been writing since 2007. Her short stories and articles have appeared in "Grandma's Choice," "Treasure Box" and "Simple Joy." She has worked with children with ADHD, sensory issues and behavioral problems, as well as adults with chronic mental illness. Kleinschmidt holds a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Montclair State University.

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