Physical intimacy does not have to lag as you get older.

How to Reawaken Physical Attraction in a Long Term Marriage

by Kathryn Rateliff Barr

Over time, you and your spouse can fall into a pattern of comfort and familiarity that can reduce the fun, spontaneity and excitement in your sex life, according to Gary Seeman, Ph.D., in his “Rekindling Your Romance” article. To put it plainly, you fall into a rut. If you don’t like the rut, shake up your emotional and physical intimacy to ignite the spark you once had.


Touch is an excellent way to get in touch with your sexuality and spark sexual tension between you, according to a Redbook article entitled, “12 Resolutions for a Great Sex Life.” Sit next to him and touch him gently, inviting him to touch you back. Whisper how you’d like to touch him or how you’d like him to touch you. After the kids are in bed -- or when they are safely off with their grandparents -- show him how you want him to touch you. One of you can wear a blindfold while the other uses textures like feathers, fur and brush bristles to touch and tease the other.


If you haven’t flirted with your partner in some time, use the flirting techniques you know to spark some romance. Put on that sexy negligee you have been saving for a special occasion and create the conditions for romance, suggests Seeman. Send your partner sexy text messages letting him know what you’d like to do when you get him alone. Hint that if he will help clean the kitchen and put the kids to bed, then you will shower and set the stage for a romantic tryst in the bedroom.


Go toy shopping for adult toys together, either online, via catalog or in person. Talk about what you can do with the items that catch your fancy. Flip through romance novels or books such as “Come Play With Me” by Joan Elizabeth Lloyd, “The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex” by Sheila Wray Gregoire or “365 Days of Sensational” by Lou Paget for some creative ideas. Try new positions, locations and scenarios to bring fun and a twist to your sex life.


Do you remember how much excitement and there was in your relationship when you were dating? Date again, suggests sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman in a Fox News interview “Easy Ways to Revive Your Sex Life.” Take the time to get ready like you did before, dabbing a bit of perfume behind your knee or sprayed in your hair so he smells subtle scents as he holds the door open for you or dances with you. Lie on a blanket under the stars and act as if you were young lovers again.

Mature Challenges

If age has made physical intimacy more challenging, see your gynecologist, midwife or family doctor for ideas on how to deal with dryness, pain and mood swings that accompany peri-menopause, suggests Sheila Kitzinger in “Woman’s Experience of Sex.” He might need some pharmaceutical help from his doctor or implements to perform the way he wants to. Don’t let those issues keep you from enjoying emotional and physical intimacy.


  • Come Play With Me; Joan Elizabeth Lloyd
  • The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex; Sheila Wray Gregoire
  • 365 Days of Sensational Sex; Lou Paget

About the Author

Rev. Kathryn Rateliff Barr has taught birth, parenting, vaccinations and alternative medicine classes since 1994. She is a pastoral family counselor and has parented birth, step, adopted and foster children. She holds bachelor's degrees in English and history from Centenary College of Louisiana. Studies include midwifery, naturopathy and other alternative therapies.

Photo Credits

  • Hemera Technologies/ Images