Marriage counseling can help couples cope with infidelity.

How to Restore My Husband's Confidence After Infidelity

by Shannon Philpott

Infidelity in a marriage can break down trust, romantic bonds and confidence. Intense emotions are likely to occur as the two of you work to repair and restore your marriage. It is possible, though, to restore confidence in each other and survive infidelity. It will take time, but through honest communication and a strong commitment to one another, the two of you can begin to heal.

End Affair Connections

If you still have communication or contact with the man you had an affair with, it will only cause insecurity and uncertainty within your marriage. Your husband will struggle to build his confidence if he is questioning your commitment to the relationship. It’s crucial to cease contact with this person to move forward working on your marriage. When you reassure your husband that the affair and your feelings for this person are a thing of the past, you can both begin to heal, build each other’s confidence and restore your marriage, asserts the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center.

Foster Open Communication

When one spouse is unfaithful, it is common for the other spouse to think about what led to the affair. Although it may be difficult to talk about infidelity, by answering your husband’s questions, he may be able to build his confidence over time. If you refuse to answer questions or divulge details he wants to know, it may appear that you have more to hide. Be open and honest to rebuild trust and restore his self-esteem.

Admit Fault

Your husband needs to know that you are accountable for your actions, otherwise, he may blame himself, thus lowering his self-confidence. Understand that he needs to know you feel remorse and that you are committed to working on the relationship. If you are proactive in showing him the love you feel for him, it can help repair the trust in your marriage and boost his self-esteem. Offer a genuine apology and reassure your husband that you understand the grief he is experiencing. When he feels as if his feelings are validated, he can then begin to work through his own emotions.

Show Your Love

Confidence can plummet when a spouse feels as if he is not good enough, unloved or undesired. After learning of infidelity, your husband may feel lonely, unattractive or unappreciated. Show him that he is the object of your affection by surprising him with love notes, date nights and displays of affection. Even if you designate one night a week for one-on-one time, your husband will realize that you are making him a priority, suggests Mitch Temple, director of marriage programs at Focus on the Family.

Seek Marriage Counseling

Working to restore your marriage and your husband’s confidence can take its toll on your emotional health. Seek the assistance of a family therapist or marriage counselor to gain strategies and advice to cope with the infidelity. Marriage counseling sessions can help get to the root of the problem and offer tips for both of you to boost confidence.

About the Author

Shannon Philpott has been a writer since 1999. She has experience as a newspaper reporter, magazine writer and online copywriter. Philpott has published articles in St. Louis metro newspapers, "Woman's World" magazine, "CollegeBound Teen" magazine and on e-commerce websites, and also teaches college journalism and English. She holds a Master of Arts in English from Southern Illinois University.

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