There aren't always obvious signs that your spouse is cheating.

Signs of a Spouse Having an Affair

by Dr. Sonya Lott

Extramarital relationships are not uncommon. At least half of the couples who seek marital therapy do so as a result of an extramarital relationship, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. There aren’t always obvious signs that your spouse is cheating, though. This is especially true with the rise in the number of online affairs. But typically, there are some subtle signs of change that should alert you to a possible affair.

Increased Absences

Unaccounted for absences may be an indication that your husband is having an affair. New hobbies outside of the home may be a sign of cheating. More frequent business trips may be another indication that your husband is having an affair, particularly with someone else in the workplace.

Computer and Cell Phone Use

Secrecy is the hallmark of an affair. Since technology allows people to carry on affairs without having to leave home, secrecy regarding her computer or cell phone may be an indication of an affair. Suddenly clicking out of a webpage or shutting down the computer when you enter the room should raise a flag. Demanding to be alone while using the computer can also be an indication of an affair, according to the “Online Infidelity” article that appears on the website of the American Association for Marital and Family Therapy. If your wife stops leaving her cell phone out or starts using a password to access data on her phone, she likely has something to hide. Another indication of an affair -- you no longer hear her cell phone ring or chime when she gets a call or text message.

Sexual Intimacy

Sexual intimacy tends to decline after a couple has been married for many years. But if the degree of sexual intimacy wanes and your spouse has been absent more frequently or has become secretive about her cell phone or computer use, this may be a sign of an affair. Individuals who are having an online sexual affair may lose their desire to have sex with their spouse. They may also feel too much guilt about their online sexual behavior to be sexually intimate with the spouse.

Emotional Intimacy

If your partner becomes emotionally distance, particularly with one of the other possible signs of infidelity, it is likely that she is having an emotional affair. An emotional affair is an expression of wanting or needing to leave a relationship, according to psychotherapist Michael J. Formica. Individuals who are having emotional affairs make the lover their confidante and end up building intimacy with the outside individual instead of with their spouse.

About the Author

Sonya Lott, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist in Pennsylvania, who offers online and in office counseling to individuals struggling with grief, loss or a life transition. She also facilitates mental health workshops for educational, professional, and community groups and maintains a blog on her website

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