Dealing with negative emotions can be difficult, but will lead to a more successful marriage

How to Stop Negative Feelings in a Marriage

by S. Grey

Negative feelings are unpleasant and can lead to a sense of guilt when harbored towards your husband. Your first inclination may be to avoid negative feelings, but they are a part of everyday life. Instead, find a new way to approach your feelings and allow yourself and your husband the freedom to express them. By talking about your feelings productively, you will contribute to a stronger marriage and give yourself and your husband the opportunity to be open and honest.

Understanding Negative Emotions

Negative emotions are a normal part of your emotional life. These emotions tend to be a logical response to certain events such as death. Negative emotions reflect a biological and psychological process -- your body changes by releasing chemicals or creating arousal when you are upset. While you may want your negative feelings to disappear, they are nothing to be afraid of. Approaching negative emotions as natural is one of the first steps to expressing them in constructive ways.

Don't Hold On

Negative emotions are powerful, and they have the capacity to alter how you view a situation and your husband. While caught in the throes of an unpleasant emotion, you are not as able to see things clearly. Instead of holding on to your negative emotions, utilize other strategies to deal with them. Exercise helps to reduce stress and has the added benefit of improving health. Talking with a loved one can help you work through your negative emotions. Experiment with ways to reduce negative emotions and use what works best for you.

Allow Open Communication

When you and your husband communicate your negative feelings, they hold much less power over your marriage. Otherwise, you will become tenser and increase the chances of releasing negative emotions in an unhealthy manner. The website “Help Starts Here” offers three guidelines in dealing with negative emotions: Don't exaggerate, don't mind reads, and use "I" statements, in which you take responsibility for your feelings without blaming your husband. These suggestions facilitate better communication between you and your husband by using direct emotional language that hold you both accountable for how you feel. As a result, your communication improves and negative emotions are easier to handle.


Reframing is the process of looking at an issue from a different, more positive perspective. By reframing negative emotions, you may find a more positive way to understand your situation. When using this skill, you may find yourself less upset at your husband for not taking out the trash when understanding that he forgot due to a heavy workload. While reframing will not change upsetting events, it will change how you approach them. Share your reframing exercise with your husband so you can practice it together. In times of need, you will both be able to help each other change your perspective on negative emotions.

About the Author

S. Grey has a Master of Science in counseling psychology from the University of Central Arkansas. He is also pursuing a PhD and has a love for psychology, comic books and social justice. He has been published in a text on social psychology and regularly presents research at regional psychology conferences.

Photo Credits

  • Robert Koene/Photodisc/Getty Images